Netflix’s Harry & Meghan highlights the unresolved trauma of a mother’s loss

Prince Harry and wife Meghan Markle made headlines across the world with ‘Megxit’, their decision to resign as senior royals of the British royal family in 2020. They followed it up with an Oprah Winfrey interview where they called out the ‘institution’, tabloid media stalking and raised a stink by mentioning racist bias in Harry’s family’s conduct. The most relevant portion of their press release, beyond the clamor of tabloid gossip and media speculation, was their aim to become ‘financially independent’. How would they do that?

One massive source of income emerged from a 114 million pounds’ deal that they inked with Netflix, part of which has emerged as the limited documentary-series ‘Harry & Meghan’ on Netflix. While reviews across the UK and the United States have criticized it as nothing new or essential, it stands out on one front. By letting documentary filmmaker Liz Garbus into their personal spaces as a family, Harry has presented an intimate portrait of the restricted life of a British royal. Conversations and analysis aside, a sad truth emerges. Prince Harry has never been able to resolve the trauma of losing his mother Lady Diana. In his expressions of dissatisfaction, it becomes clear he has had little help from his family in dealing with it. The consequences of losing a mother mark every adult decision of this reluctant prince, including the one to leave the Royal family.

Prince Harry was 12 when his mother died. He remembers little other than her warmth. He recalls that she was constantly hounded by cameras, often having to push back against relentless tabloid photographers when she was with William and him. While mourning their mother, both had to smile and shake hands with well-wishers. To the 12-year-old, it felt like all of Britain had adopted him and his brother, William. The kids, including their cousins, have had to pose in skis and school uniforms ever since they can remember. Growing up powered up the spotlight on him.  As his hard partying ways got clicked and splashed across tabloids, Harry earned the reputation of a spoilt, privileged brat.  Relentless media scrutiny damaged his romantic liaisons as no girl could deal with it. His decision to wear a Nazi uniform to a costume party and the consequent controversy that followed forced him to introspect. He reveals that to make amends, he visited a rabbi and a Holocaust survivor in Berlin. This marks a turning point in his choices.

The prince decided to spend time in Lesotho, a tiny African country. Here he began engaging in African charities and spent months living in Malawi, Rwanda and Botswana. Harry’s keen interest in doing good in Africa mirrors his mother’s courageous anti-land mine stance in Angola. In 1997, just months before her death in an accident, Diana had walked across an active minefield to demonstrate dangers that people and land mine clearers face.  A section of politicians in the UK called out her stand as political and uninformed. She continued to work on this cause, bringing focus to efforts of the United Nations Mine Action Service. Diana’s decision to follow her heart in public service put her at loggerheads with the Royal family, which can’t associate itself with any political causes. Harry, who jokingly refers to his father’s worry that he spent more time in Africa than in the UK, sub-consciously reflects Diana’s legacy. As does Meghan Markle’s vocal stance on social causes. At a joint charity event with Prince William and his wife Kate Middleton, she spoke about #MeToo and #Time’sUp, making ripples. Royals are meant to be sanitized and non-political in social service. Stating something that is topical worked against her, but she didn’t back down.

Besides the limits on speech and behavior that Royal protocol placed, Harry comes across as someone who is seeking the affection of a normal family.  He states that he found a ‘second family’ amongst friends in Africa; and they helped him experience a ‘normal’ life. Tender moments of Markle and him spending time with their baby boy, Archie, while he plays with hummingbirds, show his need for emotional intimacy and living a life without scrutiny.

Throughout, Prince Harry has opted to build a life as close to normalcy as possible. He worked with the British military as an active serviceman for 10 years. He has toured Afghanistan twice in service and was promoted to Apache Airforce Commander. Having returned all honorary military titles, Harry has a sense of belonging with military veterans as a visit to a base show. He formed Invictus Games, a special tournament for wounded military veterans.

It doesn’t surprise that he sought a regular woman as his life partner. It is natural that he goes out of his way to protect Meghan and save her the psychological trauma of endless media scrutiny. He has revealed that a mutually beneficial mechanism is in place between press offices of palaces- residences of British royals- and the British media. As an academic points out, it’s a ‘we pay, you pose’ deal; whereby every aspect of a royal’s life is fair game for coverage. There is no respect for privacy. When Markle, her family and friends were constantly stalked by paparazzi before their wedding, his relatives considered this a ‘rite of passage’ that everyone has to face in their clan. What they didn’t account for, as he highlights, is the ugly racism that Markle faced. Beyond vitriol and death threats on social media, lies in papers and greedy relatives like a half-sister creating sensation, she had to live with a complete inability to do anything to prevent slander. Harry had to watch helplessly too. As he states, this is the phase when the anxiety that history might repeat; that what happened to his mother might happen to his wife again, crossed his mind.

Meghan Markle is an independent and self-made woman who likes to live life on her terms. Friends that praise her take it too far when they shower praise like she is ‘fed through service’, in this documentary-series. But Prince Harry’s choice- to leave behind his life to be with her- shows him in a positive light.

As people across UK do, the relevance of the Royal family has regularly been questioned. It’s hard to sympathise with First World problems of a privileged prince. But his account comes across as honest and heartfelt. He calls this series a love story. Markle states that she just wants to tell their story as it happened to them. What emerges at mid-point is a man who was looking to be loved and to be cared for. He sees a lot of his mum, Diana, in Meghan. Had his family taken note of his craving for affection and a personal touch, perhaps the controversial split could have been avoided.

Archita Kashyap is an experienced journalist and writer on film, music, and pop culture. She has handled entertainment content for broadcast news and digital platforms over 15 years. 

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